#444

Last week I was looking at old blog posts and discovered that today marks 5 years since I started this blog and that this is post #444. It's been a long 5 years and it feels like a lot more. When I first noticed today would mark 5 years I tried to think of how I would mark the anniversary. If I had more readers I'd have a giveaway or something like that, but I lost a lot of readers when I changed the name of the blog a couple years ago and haven't really been able to get any back. I know it is mainly family reading this blog post today and that's okay. However, that lead to my second thought, that today should be my last post. Or perhaps announce a hiatus of several months as most weeks I struggle to write anything here. But one thing I have finally mastered as an adult is sleeping on every major decision. Whenever I want to rant, or quit something, I force myself to hold off from doing anything and go to bed instead. This past year I've wanted to quit this blog several times each month. Partly because I just can't get a lot done with a baby around. Partly because I don't know why I'm blogging or what I want this blog to be. I've had fabric sitting on my desk for a week that I finally finished cutting today. What would have taken me an afternoon to cut just over a year ago now took several days of doing a little bit here and there when I could. It drove me crazy. I just want to create but I can't and I get frustrated, and the lack of having anything to post about reminds me that I'm not creating, I'm not writing. It's been a hard road and I keep telling myself that it will get better. One day the baby will again sit and play with his toys. All he wants to do now is crawl or walk along the furniture. He is constantly getting into trouble and can't be left alone for a minute. I can't remember the last time he sat for more than a few seconds to play with something and that has affected my productivity, as it should. As much as I know and accept that he will only be a baby once (and my last baby), I can't help but want time for me, need time for me. We are trying to find a balance. Giving me time on the weekends or the evenings to get something done but it's hard to ignore his cries when it's me that he wants. 

So, what am I going to do? I guess I will keep going. No hiatus. No quitting. I'll try to post as often as I can. And I'm going to try and establish a routine before summer vacation begins and it gets really crazy around here. Today I finished reading a book about committing to process time (free creative time), product time and self-care everyday. Start small (15 minutes) then expand the product time. It was a book about writing and so writing is what I would be working on during product time but knitting and quilting would be my process time. Time to be creative and let my mind go and relax. And I need to take better care of myself. It's easy to forget that everything is connected and when I don't take care of myself and do the things I enjoy, I won't be up for doing any work.

Enough blabbing, here's some knitting. Made some good progress on the cardigan for my mom this past week. Something finally clicked and I can read cable charts instead of checking each time what I'm supposed to be doing. It's made it go a lot faster and more enjoyable.

I bought some yarn last week, too. Webs is having a 40th anniversary sale so I ordered up some yarn.  The pink one on the bottom is to make something for my daughter, but not sure what. Socks, maybe? All this yarn is sock weight.

I got 3 of these (also sock weight) and I might get more. I love it even more in person. I had planned to make socks for my sister and then something for me but I really love it and would like a cardigan or sweater in it.

This I bought to make a cardigan for me. Once I finish the back of my mom's cardigan I'll allow myself to cast this on.

Here's the little guy helping me. I keep the pattern in a page protector (or drool protector) that he likes to carry around.